So this one time.....? At band camp.....?
But this is a really old one that for some reason I can't forget.
If you went to high school with me, there's a good chance you might wanna shut your eyes.
Long ago...in a
land far away school that's not that far from where I live today, I had to pee. Bad.
I was a senior and I was in this class called Government. I guess you learned about Government in it. I really don't know because most of the time I slept. Hey. It was right before lunch and I worked every night after school until pretty late, so I was tired. And plus I bought my final grade with cookies in the 3rd week of class so I didn't care. True story.
Anyloser, I decided to get up and go to the bathroom which means I had to have a hall pass.
This teacher's hall pass was redonkulous. It was ginormous. It was made out of the same material as a clipboard and it was damn near as big. Okay, it was like 5 x 7 or something.
I got the hall pass and booked it outta there (for those of you too young to remember, "booked it" means run. sheesh. young'uns.) and headed to the nearest safe bathroom.*
I got into the stall and set the hall pass up on the toilet paper dispenser. I did my business and got up and was buttoning my cool button fly Bongo jeans (for those of you too young to remember, "Bongo" jeans were sweet for a while. sheesh. young'uns.) and my left elbow knocked the hall pass into the freakin' toilet.
In the pee water.
What to do? I don't know! I have to get the pass out of there or I'll be in trouble! I'm sure the teacher, who could be bought off with cookies for your final grade in the class, would totally care if you left the thing in the bathroom. I mean, it was probably of utmost importance to a teacher with such high standards, right? Right.
I did the only thing I could do.
I reached in the pee water and retrieve the sopping wet hall pass.
Then I ran to the sink and dumped soap and water all over it and scrubbed it down.
Now what....now what to do...dry it off? Yes. I'll dry it off...wait, I have to flush the toilet.
I run back into the stall and flush the toilet.
Dry the pass off, and run back to class hoping that nobody will notice I was gone for a while.**
I stuck the hall pass back in it's spot and prayed nobody would need to use it for a while since it was still wet. Probably stinky, too.
I'll never forget about that.
But one thing I don't remember is when it occurred to me that since the stupid pass was so big I could have flushed the toilet without fear that it would flush too, and then retrieved it out of clean water.
*safe bathroom is one of the bathrooms that you prefer to use in school. not always the closest to your class, but you're willing to take the extra time to get there because for some reason you like it better. like maybe it's more private and you can poop if you have to without someone coming in and seeing your shoes and knowing you're pooping. then going and announcing to the entire student body that you're stinkin' the place up. just one of an insecure girl's fears in school.
**dude. if you're gone for too long people automatically assume you were pooping. you don't want that.
Have a great weekend, all!